Imposter Syndrome and the Independent Artist

Have you ever been performing and had a random thought go through your head? Something along the lines of "I can't believe this is my life! This is my job! I get paid to do THIS!:

Those are moments filled with gratitude and disbelief. It is one of those "I am so lucky!" moments.

Yes, I said lucky. 

How many people take that leap, throw caution to the wind, cut the ties that bind you to the settled, the expected, the routine, and hurl their bodies, economic well-being, and future into the abyss that is the gig economy? Now, how many of them are successful after doing so?

Successful? What does that mean?

Maybe success means you work really hard to identify a market, create content for that market, market to that market, perform at a level necessary to continue to work in that market, make contacts in that market, and work really hard over many years to develop a reputation in that market.

Maybe it means you spend years working on your craft as a writer, submitting work, and continue to come up with pieces that sometimes get published.

Maybe it means spending years honing your craft, working your art form, and finding the work rewarding.

Wait a minute...does any of that sound like luck?

That is some serious hard work and dedication.

Superstar Status is something different. Superstar status is often due to luck and timing, but that isn't the same thing as being successful or good at your work as an artist.

So, for the rest of this post, we are going to dispense with the word luck in the sense of whim, or accident, or just happenstance. 

My mother explained luck to me like this -

Luck and Opportunity are 99% preparation.

The example she gave to shore up this statement?

- Imagine if the philharmonic called me and said, "Miss Gwen, the first chair cellist has broken her arm and we need someone to fill in. We will pay you a million dollars to step into this role and tour through Europe for the next six months. Say yes, and the ticket is on the way." You know what I would say? I

Photo by Henry Dick on Unsplash

would say, "Wow, thank you, but I can't do this. I don't know how to play the cello." That would be a great opportunity, and I would be lucky to be asked, but because of my lack of preparation, I could not take advantage of that opportunity. - Thanks mom

Now, let's get into the Imposter Syndrome.

Imposter Syndrome happens when others see you as successful, knowledgeable, competent, and able - but you don't see yourself that way.  You often think of your success as undeserved or just dumb luck. You are convinced that any moment the rest of the world is going to look at you and see you as you fear you are.

You might have experienced Imposter Syndrome If:

source

You undersell yourself because it feels uncomfortable or unworthy to own or articulate your accomplishments. Maybe they aren't all that impressive.

You are convinced that someone is going to show up and say, "Ha! You are not as good or accomplished or able as you thought!"

Your mistakes consume you and seem to be huge, while your accomplishments are written off as something anyone could do.

Imposter syndrome can make you work harder and feel less accomplished at the same time!

Do you recognize yourself in any of that? Do you see yourself dismissing the things you've done?

Jimmy Breslin

 Imposter Syndrome has all sorts of physical and emotional effects on a person. 

1. Stress

2. Anxiety

3. Helplessness

4. Burn Out

5. Isolation

I wonder if Imposter Syndrome is just a thing many artists have to face at some point or other. The very nature of what we do lends to the whole "Do you like me? Am I doing a good job? What can I do to get better? Do I have enough work?" and that can cycle into doubt and worry. 

Do we measure up? Which brings up the question...to whom? Who are we measuring up to? We are all individuals. My career is not yours, and yours is not and can't be mine. 

Comparing ourselves to other artists and what they are doing is not a way to really know how you are doing in this business. 

Compare yourself to where you started and where you are. Consider where you want to go. Yeah, I know, that's not always easy.

My favorite line from Evita is 

- Sometimes it's very difficult to keep momentum if it's you that you are following -

As independent artists, we are holding the ladder as well as climbing it. This can make everything feel a bit unstable at times.

So, some helpful tips when Imposter Syndrome hits!

1. Sit down and write out all of the things important to you that you have accomplished with your art without comment about how you feel about them. Now, check out the list. YOU did that.

2. Talk to a friend or colleague about how you feel. 

3. Journal about how you feel, or record it on your phone and listen back to it. When you hear yourself talking yourself down or questioning what you have accomplished, defend yourself.

4. Remind yourself why you chose to become an artist and list the things you love about what you do.

5. Give Yourself a Break! We're all human. We all have moments. Don't be embarrassed about feeling sad, or inadequate, or anything else. You are not alone. Go back to suggestion #2.

6. Forgive Yourself. Artists are nothing if they aren't hard on themselves. Being human is messy, but there is no other alternative.

7. Life gives you opportunities to learn things. That's what happens when you make a mistake. Learn from it and go back to number 6.

8. Tell yourself you are brilliant. Go ahead. Do it right now. OUT LOUD!

9. Tell yourself you are talented. Again. OUT LOUD!

10. Tell yourself you have more to share and more to learn. 

Be gentle with yourself if you spiral into Imposter Syndrome. It can sneak up on you. Don't keep it inside and let it brew. You may be an independent artist, but you are not alone. 

If you are interested in joining a group of artists that meet every Monday to discuss the ins and outs of choosing to be a gig artist of any kind, Artists Standing Strong Together is a great community resource. 

I highly recommend checking them out. Well, check us out. I co-founded the group with the amazing
Sheila Arnold. 

Sheila Arnold

So, stick out your chess, take a deep breath, and be who you are without apology!

Happy Gigging!