Imposter Syndrome and the Independent Artist

Have you ever been performing and had a random thought go through your head? Something along the lines of "I can't believe this is my life! This is my job! I get paid to do THIS!:

Those are moments filled with gratitude and disbelief. It is one of those "I am so lucky!" moments.

Yes, I said lucky. 

How many people take that leap, throw caution to the wind, cut the ties that bind you to the settled, the expected, the routine, and hurl their bodies, economic well-being, and future into the abyss that is the gig economy? Now, how many of them are successful after doing so?

Successful? What does that mean?

Maybe success means you work really hard to identify a market, create content for that market, market to that market, perform at a level necessary to continue to work in that market, make contacts in that market, and work really hard over many years to develop a reputation in that market.

Maybe it means you spend years working on your craft as a writer, submitting work, and continue to come up with pieces that sometimes get published.

Maybe it means spending years honing your craft, working your art form, and finding the work rewarding.

Wait a minute...does any of that sound like luck?

That is some serious hard work and dedication.

Superstar Status is something different. Superstar status is often due to luck and timing, but that isn't the same thing as being successful or good at your work as an artist.

So, for the rest of this post, we are going to dispense with the word luck in the sense of whim, or accident, or just happenstance. 

My mother explained luck to me like this -

Luck and Opportunity are 99% preparation.

The example she gave to shore up this statement?

- Imagine if the philharmonic called me and said, "Miss Gwen, the first chair cellist has broken her arm and we need someone to fill in. We will pay you a million dollars to step into this role and tour through Europe for the next six months. Say yes, and the ticket is on the way." You know what I would say? I

Photo by Henry Dick on Unsplash

would say, "Wow, thank you, but I can't do this. I don't know how to play the cello." That would be a great opportunity, and I would be lucky to be asked, but because of my lack of preparation, I could not take advantage of that opportunity. - Thanks mom

Now, let's get into the Imposter Syndrome.

Imposter Syndrome happens when others see you as successful, knowledgeable, competent, and able - but you don't see yourself that way.  You often think of your success as undeserved or just dumb luck. You are convinced that any moment the rest of the world is going to look at you and see you as you fear you are.

You might have experienced Imposter Syndrome If:

source

You undersell yourself because it feels uncomfortable or unworthy to own or articulate your accomplishments. Maybe they aren't all that impressive.

You are convinced that someone is going to show up and say, "Ha! You are not as good or accomplished or able as you thought!"

Your mistakes consume you and seem to be huge, while your accomplishments are written off as something anyone could do.

Imposter syndrome can make you work harder and feel less accomplished at the same time!

Do you recognize yourself in any of that? Do you see yourself dismissing the things you've done?

Jimmy Breslin

 Imposter Syndrome has all sorts of physical and emotional effects on a person. 

1. Stress

2. Anxiety

3. Helplessness

4. Burn Out

5. Isolation

I wonder if Imposter Syndrome is just a thing many artists have to face at some point or other. The very nature of what we do lends to the whole "Do you like me? Am I doing a good job? What can I do to get better? Do I have enough work?" and that can cycle into doubt and worry. 

Do we measure up? Which brings up the question...to whom? Who are we measuring up to? We are all individuals. My career is not yours, and yours is not and can't be mine. 

Comparing ourselves to other artists and what they are doing is not a way to really know how you are doing in this business. 

Compare yourself to where you started and where you are. Consider where you want to go. Yeah, I know, that's not always easy.

My favorite line from Evita is 

- Sometimes it's very difficult to keep momentum if it's you that you are following -

As independent artists, we are holding the ladder as well as climbing it. This can make everything feel a bit unstable at times.

So, some helpful tips when Imposter Syndrome hits!

1. Sit down and write out all of the things important to you that you have accomplished with your art without comment about how you feel about them. Now, check out the list. YOU did that.

2. Talk to a friend or colleague about how you feel. 

3. Journal about how you feel, or record it on your phone and listen back to it. When you hear yourself talking yourself down or questioning what you have accomplished, defend yourself.

4. Remind yourself why you chose to become an artist and list the things you love about what you do.

5. Give Yourself a Break! We're all human. We all have moments. Don't be embarrassed about feeling sad, or inadequate, or anything else. You are not alone. Go back to suggestion #2.

6. Forgive Yourself. Artists are nothing if they aren't hard on themselves. Being human is messy, but there is no other alternative.

7. Life gives you opportunities to learn things. That's what happens when you make a mistake. Learn from it and go back to number 6.

8. Tell yourself you are brilliant. Go ahead. Do it right now. OUT LOUD!

9. Tell yourself you are talented. Again. OUT LOUD!

10. Tell yourself you have more to share and more to learn. 

Be gentle with yourself if you spiral into Imposter Syndrome. It can sneak up on you. Don't keep it inside and let it brew. You may be an independent artist, but you are not alone. 

If you are interested in joining a group of artists that meet every Monday to discuss the ins and outs of choosing to be a gig artist of any kind, Artists Standing Strong Together is a great community resource. 

I highly recommend checking them out. Well, check us out. I co-founded the group with the amazing
Sheila Arnold. 

Sheila Arnold

So, stick out your chess, take a deep breath, and be who you are without apology!

Happy Gigging!

Wanna Make Money In Your Sleep? Keep Dreaming!

 

My son, Devin

At some point last week, I was chatting with someone about storytelling. I have no idea who it was because I chat with lots of people about storytelling.

The person in question said something in passing that didn't strike me until days later, which is why I can't remember who said it. It might have been my daughter.

"If your business isn't taking advantage of the digital angle of work, you are just leaving money on the table."

At the beginning of 2020, I would have shrugged that off and thought about how we are storytellers and our work is in person.

From Peachtree Press

I would have been justified in saying that, except for one thing: I am a huge fan of making money in my sleep!

I define that as having projects out in the world that continue to bring in cash without you having to monitor them all of the time. 

For me these income streams include:

1. Books 

Which reminds me - I have a new book that dropped on September 1st!

2. MP3 Tracks

But that was pretty much it.

Then, March of 2020 hit. I wouldn't say I discovered Youtube, but let's just say I spent more time watching videos than I ever had. 

I watched videos about things I never even had any interest in. 

I fell in love with everything from Flat Earth Debunking videos to Reptile Keepers. I got hooked on several Youtubers who are all about Brexit, and I watched themed channels about anything my little heart desired.

I had a great time. Now I have a Youtube habit I need to curb. Sigh.

Anyway, some years ago I had this idea for a Youtube series that I never bothered to pursue. I realized that even as I was putting my ideas together I didn't have the capability to do it without some serious help. I had some vague ideas about getting my family members to help, but it never really got off the ground.

Here, in the fall of 2021, I have discovered that not only do I possess the required skills there isn't any reason not to shoot it and put it online.

Except for the fact that when it comes to diving into projects like this I am a huge procrastinator.

So, the other night I called my son and asked him if he would compose a lullaby for me. This is what he sent me.  

It is perfect for the little series I want to do! Then, I started thinking of the possibilities of what I could do with the series, and who might want to listen to it, and then...well, I figured the sky was just the beginning.

So, I told The David what I was thinking about doing, and he did one of those "Wait a Minute! Do you have a plan for this, or were you just going to throw it up on Youtube and see what happens?"

Well, yeah.

I mean, I have some ideas, some basic plans, tons of potential content, and a lullaby. What else do I need? 

In case you don't know, this is what happens when you live with your business manager. 

So, I did some thinking about what I am willing to do and what I have time to do. How to connect it to the people who might most enjoy it, how to do the initial spreading of the word, and how to monetize it effectively.

Then I thought about all of the ways I might start getting a following by using some of my more traditional marketing techniques, thinking about how many episodes I would have to upload, the schedule of release, the editing, possibly offering Patreon activities, and on, and on, and on....the whole thing became overwhelming because I can honestly say I have no interest in monitoring a Youtube channel.

I mean, I am not looking to add another element to my calendar that drains time out of my schedule. Why even begin something that will require this much tending? It isn't like I'm not busy!

I got myself worked up and then I just stopped and started laughing at myself. 

What am I so worried about?

You do a thing on youtube and you see what happens.

I know someone will watch it because that's the nature of Youtube, but it isn't like this is going to become my main source of income or anything like that! 

So, I am just going to go for it and enjoy the process. 

Will this new series turn into another source of income? Ummm, possibly, but I will definitely learn something, and on the other side of it, I will free up space in my brain for another project. (Originally I had written "probably not" but when I read it to The David he suggested turning probably not into possibly. That guy even believes in me when my syntax doesn't!")

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to have breakfast, go to the gym, vacuum the house, clean the bathrooms, and all of the other things I can think of rather than start recording for what I know will probably take me three weeks of solid shooting before I have the whole series done.

I am nothing if not a procrastinator!

Still, I have a timetable now, and that's more than I had two days ago.

So, thanks to The David, and Devin, I am one step closer to making that sweet, sweet Patreon Youtube money in my sleep...someday. 🤣🤣🤣

Happy Dreaming!

When Life Imitates Teaching - The Process In the Pudding!

 

I had my first live show of the 2021 - 2022 season at a community event!

It was part of the Lollipop series at Carrboro Parks and Rec!

I was not as prepared as I usually am. I could feel the rust.

I walked out of the house and realized I'd forgotten to paint my toenails. Of course, I had. When is the last time an audience saw my toes?

I painted my nails on the way there as The David drove.

six people came to the show not counting The David and the organizer.

All six members of the public sat right in the front row.

There were two women who knew each other and their daughters who seemed to be about three came in holding hands. There was also a dad and his daughter. She was four.

It took me about thirty seconds to realize that the two ladies and their daughters didn't speak English.

Welcome back to live telling!

I told a story called Silly Annabelle which is highly participatory with sound and movement. There is lots of repetition, and once you learn the patterns, you can figure out what happens next.

The four-year-old and her father who were able to follow the tale were very participatory. They beautifully modeled the way to interact with the storyteller. 

The non-English speakers participated as well. They waved their hands in the air, danced with the dragon, shook the trees, clapped, considered, and made all of the right sounds. They even learned most of the refrains by the end and said them more or less as they clapped, or danced around.

The David and the organizer were in the back of the room. They could only see the back of the six participants. 

When the show was over, and the six people were packing to go, I thanked everyone for coming, and I spent a few moments communicating with the two ladies. They were from Japan. That was all they could tell me. 

Source

The organizer came over to speak to everyone and that is when she found out they couldn't speak much English. She was shocked because of how participatory they were.

As we left the venue, I told The David that it was interesting that my first show back - just for kicks - most of my audience had no idea what I was saying. 

He looked at me quizzically. "What do you mean?"

"The two ladies and their children didn't speak any English."

"Are you sure?" he asked. "They were participating really well."

"I spoke to them. I know they weren't completely sure what I was saying."

He raised his eyebrows. "You couldn't tell that from the back. They participated with everything!"

Source

It was only after the fact, that I realized I'd just exemplified the workshop I'd given the weekend before.

I was speaking with English teachers from all over the world who were teaching English to children in Tunisia. They are working in a program called American Corner Tunis.

I sent them an hour-long pre-recorded workshop, and I joined the workshop at the end for a Q&A. The students enjoyed the workshop, and they were very excited about working on their new skills and using more storytelling in the classroom.

Not one of them questioned whether or not it would be a useful tool, and all of them appreciated how storytelling could both inform and shape how they worked with their students from the little ones all the way up to high school.

I have done a number of workshops about using storytelling with audiences who might not speak English. We learn from each other how to make a story work across cultural and language divides. (I am going to stop using the word barriers when I think about how we communicate with people who have different life experiences from us.) When I was putting the workshop for Tunisia together I had a moment. It has been a while since I was telling in person. Zoom doesn't give you the same kind of feeling with an audience.

I was concerned that I would be very rusty in person, and in some ways I am. Still, the process I have lived with for thirty years on how to deal with various audiences and find ways to meet them where they are and communicate is still part of me.

The temperature is dropping.

Schools are making their arrangements.

Bookstores are calling for appearances

Conferences are tentatively trying in-person gatherings.

Me? I'm getting ready to socially distance embrace audiences. 

This season is going to be amazing - No matter what happens!

Happy Telling!

For a bit of fun, here is another blog I did about communicating across the language divide.