Don't Fear The Ugly Baby: Facing Criticism For Your Work

In 2000, my book, The Big Spooky House, was released. I was excited. I always am when a book hits the market. I was especially pleased because in 1996 I'd gone into baby making mode and wasn't working all that much. In 2000 I had a soon to be four year old and a toddler. I was in need of something to remind me that there really had been a time in my life when my most important function had nothing to do with preventing diaper rash.

Unfortunately, there were some reviewers who did not like the book. I remember reading one review that depressed me for almost two weeks. It was the first time I'd had a book come out that wasn't well received by the critics.


It felt like some stranger had walked up to me on the street and said, "Oh my, you have a very ugly baby."

These days, when I encounter an uncomfortable public situation with my work whether it be my writing or performing, I call it an 'Ugly Baby Event'.

It hurts your feelings. It might make you upset. It might make you go into defense mode. It might make you angry. It might frustrate you. It might make you sad.

For a period of time after my first bad review, I was afraid of future ugly babies. I wanted to go cautiously so that I didn't expose myself to that sort of rejection again. Stick to what you are good at, I told myself, don't tread where you are likely to be unwanted.

In 2002, my husband quit his job, and I went back to storytelling full time. I was worried. What if I fail at this? What if I can't afford to feed my family? What if we lose the house? What if I can't do this?

I was no longer considering the ugly baby that I was walking around with, but all of the potential ugly babies in my future. Well, there was only one thing for it. I started calling my mentors and friends. I called Jim May, Syd Lieberman, Milbre Burch, and Beth Horner.  I asked what sort of advice they might give me if I were going to get back into the storytelling game full time. I also asked if they thought I could do it.

The advice and support I got from them made a huge impression on me. I learned what it meant to be a guiding light in this business. I learned what it meant to plow forward. I learned what it meant to be completely honest with someone who is struggling with choices in our very public job. I am forever grateful to them for their support, and the time they spent listening to me.

This is my twenty eighth year as a professional storyteller and author. Sometimes I'm in the middle of a show and I can't believe somebody is letting me do this for a living. I love this work.

Sometimes I am writing furiously on a piece and wonder if it will ever see the light of the published world, or if it will become another project that I write at forever, but never share with anyone else.

Li'l Rabbit's Kwanzaa and other books by Donna Washington

There will be ugly babies in my future, it is inevitable. There will also be gorgeous babies, curious ones, misunderstood creatures, awesome creations, marginal attempts, and huge ungainly pratfalls.  That's what it means to be a public performer. That's what it means to put yourself out there.

So, if you are on the cusp of trying something new, breaking into the next level, worried about sending out that manuscript, facing your first festival, writing your first grant, or whatever adventure you are about to face, push on through.

The world is full of opportunities, but only if you take the first steps.

The word 'no' isn't going to kill you.
The words 'I didn't like this' don't mean nobody likes it.
The first attempt at something might not go well, so you learn and do better the next time.

Fear is the thing that holds most of us back when we would go forward. Fear of failure. Fear of rejection. Fear of the unknown.


About six months after the first couple of reviews came out about The Big Spooky House, a slew of them were posted by teachers, librarians and parents. Turns out, the book was a hit with kids and the grown ups who read to them. People still contact me and ask how they can get copies of it since it has been out of print for the last five years.

Here is a page where a kid who reviews books gave A Big Spooky House five out of five bookworms'.


'A Big Spooky House

By Donna Washington

Illustrated by Jacqueline Rogers

32 Pages – Ages 6+

Published by HarperCollins

He was a BIG man. He was a STRONG man. He wasn’t afraid of NOTHING….or was he?

This is one of my favorite Halloween books and I blogged about it in my Halloween post last year, but since it’s my favorite I am including it in my post this year! This book has been out for a few years but it was the first “scary” book that I really liked so I am recommending it! The story is great and the reading level is a little harder. It is also a little more spooky of a tale. I really like this book! I give this book five out of five bookworms!

My ugly baby isn't so ugly. In retrospect I realized that I never thought I had an ugly baby, someone else thought that.

We create art and we send it out there. Stand by what you create. Learn from the feedback. Keep going.

As for the ugly baby situations...it is the price of doing business in our business!


Happy Telling!

Just In Time For Halloween: Telling Spooky Tales 2.0

(Scary Pumpkin Fellow Photo Credit)

- There are lots and lots of wonderful spooky tales that you probably ought not tell young children.  

- There are lots and lots of wonderful spooky tales that you probably ought not tell in the dark.

- There are lots and lots of wonderful spooky tales that you probably ought not tell in certain religious settings.

- There are lots and lots of wonderful spooky tales that you should tell every chance you get.

How do you pick which is which and when you should do what?  

Easy!  Depends upon who is in your audience.

(Hint:  This is not a hardcore audience member!)

For starters, you can guarantee that most children between second and tenth grade think that what makes a story scary is telling it in the dark.  This is not actually true.  What makes a story scary is how well you get inside your audience's head.  

If you can freak them out behind their own eyeballs, you could be standing inside the sun, and they would still be scared out of their wits...provided you weren't all burnt alive.  

Here are some quick rules of thumb I use when choosing ghost stories for audiences.

1)  When dealing with really little kids, the stories should be way more funny than scary.  Usually, it is enough to tell the group that you are going to tell them a scary story.  Their imaginations will do the rest.  They will see 'scary' written in each element of the story right up until the time you make it funny. They may  announce afterwards that they weren't scared, but if you look into those giant, nervous eyes while you are setting up the tale, you will see that they aren't all that anxious to be frightened despite the bravado.  These kids do not want to be scared!  

The Gunny Wolf is a perfect example for kids this age.

2)  From about third grade to fifth grade I tell 'scary stories for kids who just 'think they want a scary story, but not really'.  

This group actually thinks they want to be scared, but beware, for if you actually scare them, you will get phone calls from angry parents, principals, and teachers.  Jump tales are the name of the game with this crowd.

These kids are on the precipice that leads from the fears of young childhood i.e. monsters in the closet, things under the bed, creepy creatures waiting to spring out and grab them, and the beginnings of peer pressure fears about being teased, left out, and other more real world concerns.

There are plenty of great ghost type stories for this group.  Many traditional tales will serve.  They can be silly, a little creepy, have a jump or two, but don't do anything exotic...unless you have permission, or you don't mind adults freaking out on you.

Here is some Red, Red, Lips

Borrowed Black

  

Taily Po

The Big Spooky House

More Scary Stories

Here are the tales I tell to this group most of the time.  A Little Shiver, not a great big scare.

I am sure you have plenty more!  If you want to share stories you tell in the comments section, it would be helpful for people who are just looking for stories.  You can also head over to Catch the Story Bug and go through Karen Chace's blog for more tales.


3)  Sixth grade is the first year I tell really scary stories.  Using lots of vocal technique and wild facial and body positions can make these stories really creepy, and they can benefit from some lighting.  This is the first group of kids who will probably not wake their parents, and demand to sleep in their bed, so it is safe to scare them. 

The rule I use with this group is that I try very hard to monitor what is happening, and if they get too scared I back off a bit.  They may be in large bodies, but they are still children.  The Boo Hag is a good tale for this group.

My version of The Boo Hag is on my CD Cup Of Blood.  You can download individual tracks if you are of a mind.

Want something scary?  Try Cup Of Blood

4) Once you get into high school, anything goes and you can tell those stories that are not fit for man nor beast.  Scare 'em.  Tell those stories that will peel the skin off of their hides, and make them look both ways when it gets dark.  Pull out your worst stuff and let it rip...unless you are in a school that makes a point of telling you how sheltered and innocent their students are.  If you get that song and dance from the person booking it, pull everything back a notch.  No matter how into the stories the kids might be, the grown ups will be in a faint and clutching their pearls if they think you've exposed their precious charges to something inappropriate, and they may never invite you back.  Appeal to your audience but remember who is paying your way.

5) Intergenerational audiences should probably stay in the 3 - 5th grade range unless you don't have any really young members of the group, then you can go with the sixth grade tales.  If you have an all adult audience let the blood drip, I say.

One of my favorite stories about a scary story set was one I did in upstate New York.  The guidance counselor took these two very big, somewhat disrespectful, tough looking boys out of the main body of the  audience, and made them sit with her.

 After the telling of The Lover's Promise, the guidance counselor came up to me trying not to laugh.  She said, "Did you see those two boys I had sitting with me?"  I nodded.  "When you asked if there was anybody who wasn't scared of anything they raised their hands.  After the story was over, one turned to the other and said, "I only jumped twice, how many times did you jump?"

The story I told them is called, The Lover's Promise, written by my son when he was just ten.  Here is a retelling of it.  It is a long story, fair warning!

Spooky stories require us to walk a fine line between what is appropriate and what is too much.  For some listeners, anything is too much, and for others, nothing is too much.  You can't please everyone, but these stories should also be fun, not just hair raising.

Get behind their eyeballs and they won't even remember whether the lights were on or not.

Happy Spooky Telling!